i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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