She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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