do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
