I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
