just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
