JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize