sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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