she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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