what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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