well I can't set my house on fire every night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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