Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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