Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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