Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I lost the right to judge tonight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize