i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
