So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
