You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize