There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
