Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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