i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
