I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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