I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
