So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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