shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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