DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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