I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
