I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
BRING THE BAGELS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
