I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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