He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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