she was so not down for the gang bang
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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