hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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