My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
