Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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