i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
