Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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