I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
