The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
