I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
