Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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