We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
someone owes me an orgasm
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
