Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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