We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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