So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
