I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
