dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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