im about as happy as oj after his trial
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looked like the before picture.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
