there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
