I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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