i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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