the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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