I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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