It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
