Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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