mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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