bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
