If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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