and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
