o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
