What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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