so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
