bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
