i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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