is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
