I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
